Thursday, September 23, 2021


I'm so saddened to see so many friends going through so many heartbreaking situations - the loss of parents, spouses, friends, and loved ones as well as the brutal hurts and pains that others are currently enduring. I haven't had any time over the past 6 weeks to check-in on social media and I've been learning of so many devastating things that friends are experiencing and it breaks my heart. I'm so sorry dear friends... and I'm very sorry I'm such a lame friend right now that I can't even support you in some of your hardest hours.
My own personal situation pales in comparison to the devastating losses so many people are going through. I'm not trying to be MIA or distant in any way... I just have been racing back and forth from Caregiving for my parents to my job & life responsibilities. I'm so far behind on everything that I can't even put it into words - mail, emails, voicemails, text messages, social media - basically all forms of communication. My job, my other top priorities, my other daily & weekly responsibilities, my personal health, everything other than Caregiving are all suffering at a greater and greater amount with every week that passes. Almost every other day I have another small set-back like broken-down air conditioner, broken-down washer & dryer, dogs clawing through drywall when they get freaked out by thunderstorms, lightning strike that blows out the internet router, regular lawn flooding, wind & rain damage to several outdoor items, running out of propane for house gas stove with a 3 week waiting period because of worker shortages, blah, blah, blah. For nearly 3 months I haven't had any time to address these small issues that pile up week after week.
After returning in July from 5 weeks of fantastic summer camps (PTL!) in North Carolina I had 5 weeks of Caregiving hours to make up for. My awesome partner in crime and I split the weekly hours in half and each take-on about 85 hours per week of taking care of our parents. To make up for my weeks away I bumped up my weekly Caregiving hours to around 120 hours for the rest of July and most of August. Any small openings in the Caregiving schedule I race over to put out one of the fires or run a GTD event. Most days I honestly don't know if I'm coming or going. My brain is a fog. I daily struggle with frustration, anger, and honestly I'm defeated most days. The past 9 months have worn me down and worn me out. The grace of God, the role Jesus plays in my life, and the ability to endure tough times that my Mom has passed on to her kids have enabled me to survive... on some days I barely survive. There are so many other layers to this Caregiving journey that we've been on the past 9 months that I don't have time to explain, but it has been torture watching my Mom go through the emotional pain that Alzheimer's can cause. Basically her mind is reliving the worst years of her life over and over and over again, and we can't do anything to stop it. I looked forward to helping take care of our parents as they aged. I severely underestimated many aspects of it. I recently heard of a Caregiving term that I unfortunately find myself identifying with more and more. The phrase is: "Dying From Trying". That pretty much sums it up. My Mom's physical health is strong. She could easily live 10 more years, but what my sister and I are doing is unsustainable. At the rate we are going we won't be healthy enough to take care of our parents in a few months. We are having to reevaluate our current situation and our current trajectory. We knew we couldn't sustain this for more than a few months. We have lasted 9 months. We have to make some immediate adjustments. We have no other choice. Thank you for your prayers and love. Please pray for wisdom and discernment as we start making some necessary changes in order to find a sustainable solution. We know our Mom wouldn't want us to do all that we've been doing for the past 9 months. Our love for our parents compels us to try.